Last weekend something miraculous happened. I cleaned my room. Now, it wasn’t the act of cleaning that was miraculous. I’m not a slob after all. Funny things just tend to happen to me in clean spaces. I feel more energized, fresh, organized and ready to conquer things that need conquering (with the exception of that history paper that needs to get written by tomorrow… it’s happening I promise). Basically I feel like I have a fresh start and a platform from which new ideas and positive habits can grow.
When I woke up that morning things that I have been stressing about and pondering over for the past few weeks kind of flooded my mind at once. Namely about faith. When I was a child, I believed in God so readily and fearlessly. I knew that He would always be there for me, even if it wasn’t how I wanted it to be done. With God at my side, whom could I fear? Yet, as I began to grow older, doubt came knocking. I let it enter. People began chastising. I began to fade. There was no logical reason for me to become ungrounded in my faith. I knew I believed in God with my heart and soul, but I didn’t know why. The world was tempting me stall the process of strengthening my faith in God, while at the same time my soul was crying for me to drop everything and run back to my savior. In an attempt to get my conscience to shut up, I convinced myself that I was going to slowly rekindle my passion and faith in God.
But why would I do this to myself? Would I not run to greet my own father with joy and enthusiasm when he came home from a long day at work, or when he came to pick me up from the airport after months of not seeing each other? Of course I would run. Why then would I not follow these instincts to be like a child and run towards seeking my Father in heaven? I am lost and want to be found, but I chose to take interest in worldly things.
I want to be myself again. I want to strengthen my faith in God and live my life in a way that is pleasing to Him. That doesn’t mean that I’m going to suddenly drop the things that I love. I believe that God gave me the gift and love of Irish dance and engineering to use as a method of praising Him.
In a time where many changes are happening in life, I know it’s going to be difficult to remain calm and not get distracted by trivial things. It may be hard and it may be scary, but in the end your soul will thank you. I guess sometimes it does take a frivolous activity like cleaning a room to push yourself in the right direction.
Have a beautiful Friday