Just let it be. The noises of people talking, clocks ticking, squirrels chirping, your mind running, the universe humming… just let it be. Acknowledge its presence and move on. Often times in this society we are expected to be Miss Independent and we experience the need to be in control of everything, including that which we cannot control.
Yesterday I was able to talk to one of my coaches, and she helped me realize that my strengths oftentimes become my weaknesses when put under stress. I am focused, perfectionistic, and have obsessive tendencies… The obsession of wanting to be perfect. Thinking that I’m not working hard enough towards my goal because I’m not perfect. I need to learn how to let myself be. To recognize these characteristics within me and to understand that it’s good for me to be focused because it will allow me to overcome hardships, helping me reach my goal in the long run, and that perfectionism as an athlete is what pushes me to be the best that I can be. However, I also have to accept that I can’t always be in control. Occasionally I find myself focusing so hard and getting caught in the obsessive cycle of perfection that I become disconnected from the sport I love so much. I get mad at myself because my mind snowballs and it becomes difficult to process anything.
Yet, I need to recognize that it’s okay. I can acknowledge it and understand that it is a part of me, but it is not all of me. Over time I can learn how to harness these traits to my benefit. To find the balance between external awareness and internal drive. To be mindful of myself and well being; recognizing that I am only human and while that puts major restraints on what is possible, being human is a beautiful thing. We make mistakes, but we are also creative and emotional and rational and so many other things that makes us uniquely wonderful.
This outlook, as with anything, will be a process. It’s one that I desire to undertake, as I believe that it will help me physically in training by helping me know when to push myself and when to take time to recover, as well as mentally by allowing me to be comfortable with both letting go and mindfully taking the reins.
This seems like a better plan then I could have come up with alone. Praise the Lord for good coaches and enlightening conversations.
Have a beautiful Friday.