I’ve been in a rut of wanting to improve, but not knowing how. I don’t think I’ve been pushing my self as hard in workout sessions because I’m afraid of what I won’t be able to do. That it won’t work, or that I’ll be too sore to do another workout session. Sometimes I don’t think my body will be able to handle it. I make excuses. I’m too weak. I’m not perfect enough.
Well screw it.
This is gonna change and it’s gonna change right now. What I am capable of is unknown to me. I have a fear of the unknown. It’s deep and wide and scary and most of the time I have no idea what will happen. But that’s the beauty of it, right? I’m not doing this to try and get myself to look a certain way. I can’t control where muscle will be put on or how shapely my arms are. I can control what I fuel my body with and how I feel, both physically and mentally.
I know I can’t be perfect. I don’t think I’d want to be though. What would I have to strive for then? Perfection in comparison to others is being the best out of everyone to the extent that no one can surpass you; no one can find flaw in you. I can’t compare myself to others because we’re different. We live under different circumstances, have different genetics, attitudes, lifestyles, and goals. Honestly though, I’m sure there is no such thing as perfection. The moment we believe that we have attained this state is the moment we stop improving. A four minute mile would be unheard of to this day if we has always been satisfied with six minutes instead. I need to strive to be better than myself. I know my weaknesses and my strengths. I know my struggles in life, and I also know that I’m the only one who can get myself off my butt and doing things in the early morning. Quotes can only take you so far. Dreaming can only outline a plan. Doing is where the beauty happens.
I know it’s gonna be painful and hard and time consuming and sweaty. It’s a process. But it’s a process that I think I finally respect and understand. I can’t expect to put in a years worth of work and suddenly be the best. I can expect that after a year I’ll be better than I was a year ago, and after another year I’ll be even further along in my journey. Ultimately, this journey isn’t about moving up or reaching a goal. It’s about meeting goals along the way and then blasting past them as I continue farther down the road. I don’t know what I want my ‘ultimate end goal’ to be, but I think that’s what is so exhilarating about traveling down the path of a healthy lifestyle. You don’t need to strive to attain the lifestyle because you’ve already committed to it. You’re already on that path. You get to choose where you go and what you do, and on that road I’m sure brilliance lies a head.
I think I just want to enable my body to perform as optimally as it can and to bring myself a clear mind, allowing my spirit to reside in this magnificent temple God blessed me with. My mom tells me all the time that I’m fine the way I am. I know that I look fine and such, but I don’t feel fine. I struggle with being too thin and not feeling fit enough when I compare myself with other athletes, yet I don’t want to bulk up for fear of feeling fat because my scale weight has gone up, but I know that I need to gain weight because bodies don’t really function optimally when they don’t have the necessary muscle and fats sustaining them and nutrients fueling them. Oy vey!
As I said before, I need to stop comparing myself to others and focus on my own progress. This is why I’m writing right now. I’m going to stop being that girl that follows the motivational athlete/dance feeds on Instagram but never does anything. I’m not gonna be the girl who has a wealth of knowledge on fitness and lifting and dance and food but never implements it because she’s too scared to. It’s time for me to take my own advice. I’ll keep on dreaming, but it’s time to start doing now too. This is where my journey begins.
P.S. The featured image was found from the Instagram account fit4dancers.