There comes a point in your life where you just need to start believing in yourself. When you need to not only recognize your accomplishments, but own them. Realize the person in the mirror is you. The person who has done all those amazing things is you – not some long lost disembodied representation of someone who could be you. I think I’ve finally reached this realization. I also think that I’ve finally come to terms that I need to believe it, run with it, and not look back.
Stop being surprised at yourself when you do something right. You’ve done it before. It’s not a once in a while occurance. Remember that time you jumped so high that it looked like you were floating? I do. I remember how it felt too. I was there. I was the one in the air. Remember that time you beat your personal record for running a mile? Or your overall score in a competition? That was all you. You took the stage like you owned it. You felt in control, ready, determined.
Remember how in awe you felt when you recalled at the regionals? You were so nervous, yet ecstatic. To control your nerves you ran through your favorite parts of the solo you were about to perform. You felt the nerves turn to calm, controlled energy. On stage you felt awed and honored that you got to compete your third and final round. However, you didn’t let the fact that it was your first recall phase you. You’re now 10th in the region. Remember it; be proud of it. See that girl accepting her Waterford crystal trophy onstage? That was you.
Remember how two months ago you landed a jump wrong and heard that nasty crunch. You tried to walk off the pain. You’re stubborn like that, I know you are. But it was too much. You were down and out. Perhaps it was a good thing though. I could tell you were getting worn out from all the practice. In a rut. Maybe this unfortunate incident has turned out to be a blessing for you. Once something you took for granted had been placed off limits, you realized how much it meant to you. How much it’s a part of you life… your being. In those few weeks of wandering aimlessly, trying to look in all the wrong places for yourself, you realized the place you were hiding was the place you thought you didn’t want to go back to. You realized that the place that brought you pain, injuries, and disappointment also brought you strength, life, joy, love, determination, and a thousand other things that can only be felt deep in the heart. Those emotions that are indescribable, yet so beautiful and raw.
I’m glad that you experimented with other ways of living – how ‘normal people’ live. You strengthened relationships with school friends and learned to appreciate a good movie night. I’m also glad that you’ve found your passion again. You’re back and ready for action. Some parts will be hard, others will be exhilarating, but I know that no matter what, it will bring you nothing less than joy.
Stop looking at other peoples successes for motivation. Embrace you. Your journey begins here. You can do it. Be your own success story.
Have a beautiful Friday